i jhust puked up my retainher.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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