My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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