Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
