I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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