i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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