Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
