You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
