this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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