didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
