Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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