Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
