I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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