Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
