Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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