Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
