I faked an abortion last night.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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