so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
