mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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