Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
