You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
