She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
