singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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