i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
