party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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