Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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