Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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