so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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