I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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