glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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