I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
