i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
