totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
