You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
