she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
