are you so shy because you have an std?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
