I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
