Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
