So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sex in a hospital.. check
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
