I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There r osticjed everywhere
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
