sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
