So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
