At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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