whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
