My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
