it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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