He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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