threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
