I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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