I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
