I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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