yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
