He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
