the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
