if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
In America we eat man semen.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
