Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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