this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
