Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
