Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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