god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
